Thank You for Changing Me

It’s my firstborn son’s birthday.

He’s 28.

I can’t believe it.

How did this sweet baby go so quickly from toddler to little boy to teenager to grown man?!?

He’s changed so fast.

He’s changed me.

The first time I ever wrote about David in this public space I titled the blog post, “My Favorite Mistake”. I regret that title now because I don’t view my pregnancy or his birth or his life or our relationship as a “mistake”.  I think it was all meant to be.

It’s true that I made some bad decisions that led to all of it, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

I wouldn’t change it, because of how it changed me.

My heart was broken and made bigger. My spirit was shattered and made stronger. I emerged more compassionate and less quick to judge.

The decisions I made to keep my pregnancy and choose a different family to raise my child are the hardest I’ve ever made in my life. I still believe they were the right decisions for me and for David, but I’ve grieved giving him up every day since. I may have missed out on raising him, but I’ll forever be grateful to his parents for including me in their lives.

In five days I’ll get to see David. I can’t wait to hug him and say, “Thank you for changing me.”