Monday Meltdown

“I can’t do this.”

The thought was running in an endless loop through my head as I tried to juggle one kid on my hip while the other one threw himself to the ground, screaming and crying.

It was a tantrum of epic proportions.

The biggest one he’s ever thrown.

And he chose to do it on the way into the gym right before I had to teach a fitness class.

I was mortified.

So many emotions were swirling through my heart...

• sadness

• anger

• fear

• anxiety

• shame

I didn’t know why he was upset. Nothing would calm him. It was so bad, a friend who was walking by swooped in and took the baby. 

The voice in my head kept on, “I can’t...I can’t...I can’t...”

“I. CAN’T. DO. THIS.”

But I did. Because it’s my job and my greatest privilege and (usually) my greatest joy to raise my babies.

But that doesn’t mean every day is easy.

I see you, mamas (and dads). I REALLY see you now. I didn’t get it before. I envied you and longed to be you for so many years, but I had no clue about the reality of parenting. I get it now. 

Thank you to everyone who swoops in when others need an extra hand (or hip) and a bit of grace.